SETTING: Stage left is a city park in Autumn. A tree stands (or is projected) stage left. Stage right is dark.
AT RISE: MOTHER, FATHER, and DAUGHTER enter stage left. MOTHER and FATHER are both carrying picnic baskets. Pastoral sounds.
Isnt it a lovely day in the park?
It sure is.
Can I run and play? Can I run and play?
Okay, sweetpea, but first you have to put on your chastity belt.
My fantasy chastity belt?
(MOTHER takes a pink, faerie-winged body harness out of the picnic basket as the lights dim, and an animated projection, an advertisement, begins high upstage center.)
Introducing the latest in child-protective fashion, its the Fantasy Chastity Belt. As a parent, you know the importance of keeping your child safe. But you also want your child to have fun and to be popular. Now, with the Fantasy Chastity Belt, your child can have it all. The Fantasy Chastity Belt features the latest in anti-molestation technology, and its steel-reinforced anchor-point keeps even the most outgoing of youngsters from wandering too far. And the Fantasy Chastity Belts designer colors and stylish accessories will make every child want to be your childs friend. Your child will be so popular, she might even grow up to be a raver. So say goodbye to those ugly, popularity-destroying chastity belts, and say hello to the Fantasy Chastity Belt. Buy one for your child today! Available at Wal-Mart.
(Lights come up to show MOTHER putting chastity belt on DAUGHTER. MOTHER then attaches a chain to an anchor-point on the chastity belts back, and attaches the other end of the chain to the tree.)
Yay! My fantasy chastity belt! My fantasy chastity belt!
(DAUGHTER dances childishly at the end of her tether, which lets her almost but not quite reach the stages center line. Meanwhile, FATHER and MOTHER spread a picnic blanket from one of the baskets upstage, and sit together in ostentatious marital bliss. Lights and pastoral sounds fade out stage left.)
SETTING: Stage right is a supermarket. Noisy supermarket sounds.
AT RISE: MOTHER2, and SON enter stage left. MOTHER2 is carrying a very large handbag.
Now sit still and let me put your chastity belt on.
Do I have to?
Yes, you do. And dont give me that look.
(MOTHER opens her handbag and removes what appears to be some sort of medieval torture device, but is in fact an elaborate body harness. She puts it on SON as the lights dim, and an animated advertisement is projected high upstage center.)
As a responsible adult, you know that the world is a dangerous place. You know that life is an unending vale of sorrow, torment, and woe. But has your child learned these valuable lessons yet? Probably not. Thats why your child needs: the Reality Chastity Belt. More than just an anti-molestation device, the Reality Chastity Belt uses advanced technology to prevent event the most resourceful of pedophiles from having fun with your kid. And the Reality Chastity Belt is effective against more than just adult perverts. The Reality Chastity Belt will protect your child from playground bullies, juvenile delinquents, and even girls with cooties. No one gets close to a child wearing the Reality Chastity Belt. No one. Available at fine department stores everywhere.
Well, that ought to keep you out of danger while Im shopping. And its for your own good, so stop pouting.
(MOTHER wanders off to shop. SON sits down, pouting. Another SHOPPER wanders near SON. Not paying attention, the SHOPPER accidentally bumps into SON. Immediately we hear a screeching car-alarm sound, and lights on the SONs body harness begin flashing. SON doesnt react: hes used to this sort of mishap. Sound fades as lights dim to black stage right. Lights and pastoral sounds come up stage left, where DAUGHTER is still dancing at the end of her tether. DAUGHTER continues to dance until, running downstage, she trips and falls. When SHE stands again, her knee is skinned and bloody. DAUGHTER looks down at her knee in shock and horror, then begins to cry loudly. FATHER and MOTHER look up, concerned.)
Sweetie? Whats the matter? Are you okay?
I had a learning experience!
(MOTHER and FATHER rise to join DAUGHTER.)
Oh sweetie! Did you have a learning experience? Oh! You sure did have a learning experience, didnt you. Honey, look at that learning experience she had.
Boy, thats quite a learning experience you had there.
Oh sweetheart. Poor little sweetpea, did you fall down and have a learning experience? There, there. Do you want me to kiss your learning experience and make it better?
(MOTHER kisses DAUGHTERs wound, then picks up DAUGHTER to carry and comfort her.)
Well, I think weve had enough excitement in the park for one day. Lets go home and watch other peoples learning experiences on TV.
(exit MOTHER, FATHER, and DAUGHTER. Lights and pastoral sounds fade out stage left. Lights and car-alarm sound fade in stage right. SON is still sitting, with lights blinking on his chastity belt. enter MOTHER2.)
Cant I take you anywhere without you making a scene?
But I didnt do anything!
Dont you talk back to me young man. Now stand up and let me turn you off.
(SON rises, MOTHER2 adjusts something in the harnesss back, and the car-alarm and lights stop.)
Well, if thats the worst learning experience youve had this trip, I guess we both should be grateful.
(MOTHER2 begins taking SONs chastity belt off.)
I hate wearing that thing.
Believe me son, one day youll thank me from sparing you from all the horrible learning experiences there are out there. Trust me, you dont want to learn some of the things I learned when I was your age.
(exit SON and MOTHER2. Fade to black.)
END OF CHASTITY BELTS