Forgive the roughness of this site, but I do not have much time left. This website is the final public communication of a person who is losing his mind. By the time you read this, I will most likely be dead.

Everyone, it seems, will have their own theory about "why" this tragedy happened. Many of my friends will blame the medication, and say that it was the evil pharmaceutical companies that killed me. My doctor will probably say that I wasn't taking enough medication (I am currently refusing to take any antidepressant stronger than Paxil) and that if only I had been willing to try a tricyclic or MAOI, I might have been saved. Some people will blame the recreational drugs that I have used and abused over the years. Others will blame this puritanical Drug War society that has created rigid and arbitrary distinctions between contraband and medicine. (Currently, almost anything that one might enjoy taking is considered a drug of abuse, however therapeutic it might be.) Some will blame the incompetence of my therapist. My therapist will blame me for having dropped out of therapy. My father will blame my mother. My mother will blame Satan. Etc. etc. ad nauseam.

All I can offer is my own conviction that all of these explanations are inadequate. My life was a complicated place, full of messy realities that those with neat theories about me would prefer to ignore.